I have this dream of wearing flower crowns or snowflakes in my hair on the week I turn 20.
This feeling… I haven’t felt this in a while. A long, long while.
The feeling of satisfaction, of helping others; of making others feel better. And the amount of gratitude the person on the receiving end pours on you to show just how grateful and thankful they are.
I helped Weiting with her critique today regarding online laboratories replacing traditional laboratories (instead of being at the JDC booth haha). And I’m so glad I managed to help her with most of the critique and to polish it up. She’s been so stressed over it and it pains me to see such a kind, beautiful and precious woman sleep only 2-3 hours for the past few days because of both her commitments to school, friends and JDC.
And in today’s comm fund e-learning session, they asked for my goals in the future. Suddenly this brought me back to the exact same position I was 1 year ago - inspired, hopeful, faithful and so full of life. It reminded me of what I set myself out to achieve in this world; what kind of impact I wanted to make in this world. It reminded me of the book I borrowed on that fateful day in White Sands. It reminded me of all the wonderful things I wanted to do, all the people I wanted to help, all the satisfaction I would receive from being larger than life.
I can’t remember the title of that book anymore, sadly. And being in University for the past months have thrown me into another dimension where I no longer remember my goal in life. Earlier this year, I had to question myself: what I was really fighting for? What I was studying for? Why I was putting myself through so much pressure, yet not getting the results I wanted to see?
In life and all the obstacles it throws at you along the way, it’s easy to lose sight of the shore - your purpose, your goals, your dreams. I lost sight of shore and inevitably, got so lost out at sea that I no longer knew the way back.
Today, I have regained the faith and the hope in life. I still feel lost, incompetent and not at all confident, but at least right now, at this moment, I remember what I should be fighting and working hard for.
Nothing else really matters.
True enough, I went on google and something made me type in ‘Believe’. That’s the title of the book that started it all.